Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2013 12:57:10 GMT -5
Deep in the urban jungles of the Canadian Cityscape roams a predator. An unmistakable creature with a voracious appetite for poontang. An animal so fierce, beautiful and majestic, that mankind seems willing to stop at nothing to bring it to its knees.
Which is why..
National Geographic Presents: The Hunt for the Mighty Shawn Alexander Cage
Within the cavernous buildings and the sky scraping towers of Canada's cities lives one of the world’s most renowned beasts: The SAC.
The mention of the name of the creature can wet the vag of any woman and bring envy into the eyes of any man. Its panty-dropping mating call has been the subject of extensive research for the past decade.
”Sup, Bitch?”
There are a select few, however, that seem steadfast in their attempts to rid the world of the Shawn Cage. Something that sounds incredibly irresponsible and heinous to us, but let’s venture into the psyches of the men who’d enjoy seeing the Shawn Cage banished from existence, forever.
Mr. D, Owner of Supreme Championship Wrestling: “I want the Shawn Cage gone because he said I have a small penis. And he was right. So I fired him, and spread rumors about him to damage his reputation.”
Kris Glory: “I want to catch and kill the Shawn Alexander Cage because he corrected my grammar one time and made fun of my name with several Gloryhole references. Nobody corrects Kris Glory’s grammar -- NOBODY!... and I don't suck dick without seeing the person's face.”
Many have warned these gentlemen of the dangers of pursuing a Shawn Cage with the intent to do it harm.
A Shawn Cage has been known to kill a human being with nothing more than a fiery glance. This is often enough to force a human heart into a state of perpetual stagnation. It’s quite the site to behold, really.
Nature has blessed the Shawn Cage with an incredibly heightened sense of danger and an abnormally large plethora of defense mechanisms.
Size.
Speed.
Strength.
A voracious ball kick.
A huge penis.
These are all things you must deal with when you go about hunting a Shawn Cage.
It should also be noted, that -- to anybody intending on hunting one of these majestic creatures -- they've adapted to their surroundings and they have learned how to shoot a gun.
Imagine, an animal with such a level of natural awesomeness that has learned how to fire a gun.
It would be like a human with an above genius intelligence that looked like George Clooney, or… Zac Effron.
(OH SNAP. I Used Zac Effron in a promo HAHAHAHAHAHA. God, Cameron Bradin is so fucking gay.)
So, to sum up this unbelievably short National Geographic presentation, to those of you that seek out the mighty Shawn Cage: if you’re coming’ with less than a shotgun, you probably aren't gonna win, just ask anyone on the SCW roster.
It would be like asking a six-year-old child with cerebral palsy to hunt down a Cheetah with a fishing net and a bottle of bubbles.
The Shawn Cage may be rare, but they are deadly.
*HISS*
Which is why..
National Geographic Presents: The Hunt for the Mighty Shawn Alexander Cage
Within the cavernous buildings and the sky scraping towers of Canada's cities lives one of the world’s most renowned beasts: The SAC.
The mention of the name of the creature can wet the vag of any woman and bring envy into the eyes of any man. Its panty-dropping mating call has been the subject of extensive research for the past decade.
”Sup, Bitch?”
There are a select few, however, that seem steadfast in their attempts to rid the world of the Shawn Cage. Something that sounds incredibly irresponsible and heinous to us, but let’s venture into the psyches of the men who’d enjoy seeing the Shawn Cage banished from existence, forever.
Mr. D, Owner of Supreme Championship Wrestling: “I want the Shawn Cage gone because he said I have a small penis. And he was right. So I fired him, and spread rumors about him to damage his reputation.”
Kris Glory: “I want to catch and kill the Shawn Alexander Cage because he corrected my grammar one time and made fun of my name with several Gloryhole references. Nobody corrects Kris Glory’s grammar -- NOBODY!... and I don't suck dick without seeing the person's face.”
Many have warned these gentlemen of the dangers of pursuing a Shawn Cage with the intent to do it harm.
A Shawn Cage has been known to kill a human being with nothing more than a fiery glance. This is often enough to force a human heart into a state of perpetual stagnation. It’s quite the site to behold, really.
Nature has blessed the Shawn Cage with an incredibly heightened sense of danger and an abnormally large plethora of defense mechanisms.
Size.
Speed.
Strength.
A voracious ball kick.
A huge penis.
These are all things you must deal with when you go about hunting a Shawn Cage.
It should also be noted, that -- to anybody intending on hunting one of these majestic creatures -- they've adapted to their surroundings and they have learned how to shoot a gun.
Imagine, an animal with such a level of natural awesomeness that has learned how to fire a gun.
It would be like a human with an above genius intelligence that looked like George Clooney, or… Zac Effron.
(OH SNAP. I Used Zac Effron in a promo HAHAHAHAHAHA. God, Cameron Bradin is so fucking gay.)
So, to sum up this unbelievably short National Geographic presentation, to those of you that seek out the mighty Shawn Cage: if you’re coming’ with less than a shotgun, you probably aren't gonna win, just ask anyone on the SCW roster.
It would be like asking a six-year-old child with cerebral palsy to hunt down a Cheetah with a fishing net and a bottle of bubbles.
The Shawn Cage may be rare, but they are deadly.
*HISS*
