Life Is Like a Mop

Boston, Massachusetts.
South Boston.

Pat Gordon, Jr. sits at his kitchen table. His eyes are fixed on a candy cane that he's twirling between his fingers. He almost looks like he's mesmerized by the little red and white striped candy. It's either that, or he's extremely focused on something. He's wearing his "Pat Lock: Snap or Tap" t-shirt, although there's something a bit peculiar about it this time... A little bit of another color protruding from underneath his collar gives the impression that he's wearing another t-shirt underneath.

Also, there are Christmas cookies in the oven. HECKS YEAH!

PGJR: “I take pride in every win of my career, from teaming with Jesse Ramey as the Ring Nightmares and beating Blitz to beating Mr. Rottentreats in the FIRST EVER Canadian X Pro Main Event. That’s no surprise.

“What may come as a surprise to most people is that I also take pride in each and every one of my losses. I’ve lost twice to Chris Q, the dominant FGA Heavyweight Champion through most of 2013. I’ve lost twice to Chris Madison, the ONLY Canadian X Pro Heavyweight Champion to date AND PURE Wrestling Heavyweight Championship contender in Seattle. I’ve lost twice to that raving lunatic Madman Szalinski, former GFC Commonwealth Champion and GFC Tag Team Champion, an awesome fighter and amazing competitor who could be a viable contender for ANY championship belt in the world today.

“Yes, there are three people who’ve beaten me not once, but twice. But if you read over that list, they’re three of the toughest, most accomplished competitors in professional wrestling today. They’re three future legends in their own rights. There’s no shame in losing to any of them. And better yet, I’ve taken something away from each and every time I’ve faced them.

“But there’s one big reason I’m proud of each and every one of those losses just as much as any win. And that reason is something you mentioned, Brett Starr. You said you respect me because I don’t back down. And that’s true. A wise man once said, ‘Life is like a mop. Sometimes life gets all full of dirt, and crud, and bugs, and hairballs and stuff. You gotta clean it out. You gotta rinse it off and start all over again. And sometimes life sticks to the floor so bad a mop is not good enough. You gotta get down there with a toothbrush and you gotta really scrub. You gotta get it off. You gotta really try to get to get it off. But if that doesn’t work, you gotta stand up. You gotta run to a window and say, ‘HEY! These floors are dirty as hell, and I’m not gonna take it anymore!’”

Pat gets all worked up in his delivery of Stanley Spadowski’s “Life Is Like a Mop” speech from UHF. It really seems to have moved him!

PGJR: “That’s why I give it my all and I fight the good fight each and every time I step foot in that ring. I’m a man of honor, a man of higher ideals. And win or lose, I always get right back on that horse and right back in that ring, ready to fight again. I once gave myself a concussion in order to beat Kevin Hardaway. And then do you know how much time I took off after that? One match, because FGA management MADE me. But I kept on them until they put me right back in the ring at the next event, and the next one after, and the next one after that. I wrestled for months with a concussion and I did it because there were things bigger than myself at stake.

“Things like honor, dignity, respect.”

Pat runs his head through his hair, puffing out a sigh of exasperation as he thinks back to the Murder putting many of the FGA roster members out of action due to injuries - some of whom were his own close friends.

PGJR: “Things like the health of the FGA roster! I represented a higher cause, and win or lose, at the end of the day I could hold my head high knowing that I did what. Was. Right. When I liberated that World Heavyweight Title from the dusty shackles of Elijah Black’s trophy case, I knew that giving that belt the freedom to see the world, that taking it and defending it all across the North American territories, was the best thing for that poor, atrophied championship belt.

“Now, there’s a reason why Angelo Valour billed me as ‘Indy Legend Pat Gordon, Jr.’ over the summer when I fought Mr. Rottentreats in Canadian X Pro’s first main event. A young man who had barely been wrestling full time for a year, and already I was being billed as a legend. It’s the same reason why I’m in a match dubbed ‘Legends II’ against Eli Flair down in North Carolina on Saturday. While those guys I mentioned earlier - Chris Madison, Madman Szalinski, and Chris Q - while they’re all FUTURE legends, I’m an INSTANT LEGEND."

Pat pulls off his "Pat Lock" t-shirt, revealing a new "Instant Legend" t-shirt!

PGJR: “In my rookie year I made it to the last sixteen of one hundred twenty eight of the world’s best wrestlers in the 2012 UltraTitle tournament, beat several legends in this sport to do it, and then went on to win a major World Championship this past February. That’s the stuff of Instant Legend. I led FGA into battle against FRONTIER at FRONTIERvsFGA1 and stood tall against the Murder for six months, fighting to keep them from destroying FGA. That’s the stuff of Instant Legend.

“I’ve always been a leader, and I’ve always preferred to lead by example. That’s the only way to do it right, in my opinion, to inspire others through my own actions. And that brings me to my next point, Brett.

“I’m not afraid to stand up for myself, for others, or for the greater good. But it’s not always a case of good vs. evil, Brett. Sometimes it’s a case of a higher ideal vs. self indulgence, which is exactly what we have in our match at Canadian Classic Christmas. It’s the longevity of Canadian X Pro pitted against your own vanity. In case you hadn’t noticed, there’s this group called the Joker’s Wild making claims that they’re gonna take over Canadian X Pro. Your response? Let them have their way with us all - so long as you get to call yourself the champ, of course.

“Now, you may have noticed this candy cane in my hand. Did you know that the candy cane was originally designed to resemble a shepherd’s crook? You may be wondering what this has to do with the price of tea in China. The answer to that is nothing. But it has everything to do with our predicament here. Shepherds are responsible for the safety of their flock. They’re protectors. Now I’m not comparing the good Canadian fans to sheep, but I am saying that a champion - a TRUE champion - is much like a shepherd. A TRUE champion is a leader, someone everyone else can rally around.

“There’s a particular shepherd - a champion - who has been inspiring me lately. His name was David, and he went on to become the champion of Israel. But at first nobody wanted to let David go out and fight the Philistine giant, Goliath. No. But he convinced Saul with his faith in God. So he went to fight Goliath, who criticized him for showing up for battle without a sword or armor. And David replied, ‘You come towards me with a sword, a spear and a javelin, but I come to you with the name of the Lord of Hosts, the God of the battalions of Israel whom you have insulted. This day God shall deliver you into my hand ... and this entire gathering shall know that it is not by a sword or with a spear that God saves…’

“Then he loaded up his sling and threw a rock at Goliath’s head, knocking him OUT COLD! You know that story, don’t you? And the whole point of it is that it’s the spirit of the wrestler that counts."

He puts down the candy cane.

PGJR: “And just like David went to Goliath in the name of the God of Israel who the giant insulted, I’m coming to you in the name of the fans you’ve insulted! You say that you’re the champion the fans deserve. But you also acknowledge that they’ll be cheering for me and chanting MY name! Don’t the fans deserve a champion they WANT?"

Gordon slams his hands flat on the table to put a point on it.

PGJR: “With the Joker’s Wild threatening to tear CX Pro apart, we need a champion who’ll stand up to them. Don’t the fans deserve the champion they NEED?

“Now, it might interest you to know that I’ve never been beaten when a Heavyweight Title was on the line. I never lost that World Heavyweight Title that I beat Elijah Black for. And maybe that’s why Angelo Valour decided to put me not just in that first main event against Mr. Rottentreats, but also in this CX Pro Heavyweight Title match at Canadian Classic Christmas. I can bring the goods. I’ve GOT what it takes to be a leader… To be THE champion!

“Maybe that’s why he gave me this role in the Canadian Classic Cage match - this role of the X-factor… The ‘Wild Card’ if you will.”

The Boston Bruiser winks, having taken a little jab at the Joker’s Wild stable trying to insinuate themselves upon Canadian X Pro.

PGJR: “See, because it’s YOU Greyson Blaze doesn’t like, not me. And putting me in this match opens the doors for three scenarios, probably only two of them Angelo actually was banking on.”

Gordon raises a finger in the air.

PGJR: “Scenario one: I let you and Greyson battle out your blood feud with one another while I go climb out of that cage and win the title without even being noticed. But that ain’t my style. If I’m gonna get in that ring, I’m gonna get a piece of the action, too!”

Pat raises a second finger.

PGJR: “Scenario two: Greyson Blaze and I both go in there and team up to pummel you to the point where you’ll never wrestle EVER again. But let’s face it, that just wouldn’t be fair. Besides, while I know Greyson wants to get his hands on you, I’m sure he also wants that belt just as much. So we’d still need to settle which one of us is gonna make it over that cage.”

Pat gets a gleam in his eye as he raises the third finger, implying his preference for the third scenario with a big smile on his face.

PGJR: “And then there’s scenario number three. This one is my favorite. Scenario three is I go in there, drop both Brett Starr AND Greyson Blaze on their noggins, and climb over the cage wall to win the Canadian X Pro Heavyweight Championship! In this scenario, I do what’s right and fight both of you, come out on top, and cement my role as the leader CXPro needs. One who leads BY EXAMPLE. And what better way to send an example to the Joker’s Wild than by claiming victory over TWO of CXPro’s top stars in a cage match? What better way is there to show them - and EVERYONE out there - that I simply WON’T back down?

“I’m gonna Blaze a trail brighter than any Starr in the sky. And it all starts at Canadian Classic Christmas when you find out why I'm an Instant Legend."

There's a ding and Pat goes to open the oven door. He pulls out a tray of cookies and tries to pick one up, but it quickly flips out of his hand. It was too hot! So he instead flops a couple of cookies onto a plate with his spatula he bought from Spatula City at a fraction of retail cost! He takes his cookies and leaves the kitchen.

*OOC I know it's a little after the extension you granted me, but I just got my internet fixed.